I'm not sure why i'm in this rut and why i keep myself in this cage i've built around myself. Logically i know its not right and i shouldn't feel as agitated and upset as i do but i can't seem to get myself out of it. I am so blessed to have a family who always supports me and that i've always been surrounded by people who care about me and who want to spend time with me...but the past few months i can't get myself to open up to people. i cant crave the presence of others like i used to. i just want to waste my time secluded doing pretty much nothing.

I've always been such an optimistic person and now i feel so insecure and pessimistic. Everyday i keep putting myself down. "I wish i was smarter" "i wish i was prettier" I wish i was taller" "i wish i was more social" "i wish i was more courageous" "i wish i was nicer" i wish i was more patient" its constantly going through my head now. i never used to be this way. I've never been this upset for this long for no reason. Thats the worst part. I don't even know why i'm so down..so i cant pick myself back up. I've lost faith in myself. I don't know what to do.