Comfort in the familiar

School has started and so far its been A-okay. its exactly what i've been expecting all summer long. My lazy unmotivated days of school and my easy days at work earning money i'm going to spend all on food. Hanging out with my bests from APO and spending time with Kent. All is peaceful now and i'm more than thankful for these calm almost rut-like days. Why complain when nothing is going wrong?? Too many people complain when their lives are dramaless.

I'm so happy to have these peaceful days when all I have to worry about is if I should go to class today. The past 2 weeks were hard for me but now its nice to be able to sit back and relax.

My grandpa found a tumor in his stomach and had to have 2/3 of his stomach removed. After losing my grandma last year to lung cancer it was hard to imagine losing another close grandparent. But I know my grandpa is strong and isn't ready to leave me yet. I'm glad he is being strong but I wish I could be next to him by his hospital bed. or even at least available for him to call at all times.

My parents were having BIG troubles last week for the first time in their 30 years of marriage. My mom called me and nonchalantly told me my father hadn't been home for the past 3 days since a fight they've had. My mom gets angry alot but my dad never loses his temper so it was pretty worrysome.

The next day my mom called and told me she was too depressed and worried to eat, drink, or sleep. I offered to go pick her up in Irvine so she could stay with me for a few days but she refused and stayed in irvine. I had to stay on the phone with her for hours though convincing her that my dad wasn't going to leave her.

2 days later my mom and dad had dinner together and were able to talk everything out. They vented to each other about their problems and realized after 30 years of marriage there were still things about each other they had yet to understand. My dads left for a business trip to Peru for the next week but my mom seems positive everything will be okay.

So now everything is solved and I am back to my peaceful lazy days. I couldnt be more thankful for days full of nothing but sleep food and laughter.

Images only go so far...

genuine emotions kicks prides ass any day of the week.

Playing house

This summer has been more hectic than relaxing. I guess it still beats having to take summer school though. After coming back from Japan, I worked at Wazen for 4 days a week for about a month and a half. On my 3 days off I would drive back to SD every weekend to find my new apartment. I finally got to officially move back to SD about 3 weeks ago and I've started working back at Shogun. Its hard going back to your old workplace after you've taken some time off. I keep finding things to complain about. Not enough pay, too much drama, bad management, not enough hours, etc... etc... but money is money so I guess I just need to suck it up or find another job.

School is starting up in a week and hopefully I'm prepared for the commute. I've never had to drive to school until this year so I'm feeling like a college newbie all over again. At least I'm not longer alone and I have my friends and Kent to rely on.

I can't wait till i've graduated college and I can make my own money and support myself. I feel like such a child relying on my dad to pay for my living needs.

difficulties

"People don't change. In the process of living life with all of its difficulties, they're simply acting tough."

sometimes i get tired of smiling and cracking jokes all the time. Sometimes I just dont want to talk to anyone and just bury myself in a little cave or something.

not in the emo "i hate my life, i hate you all!!" kinda of way, but literally just tired. pooped. drained. you know. just want to be alone to zone out and rest my brain.

Del Mar Fair

Spent the weekend in San Diego. It was a good coming back from being gone for a month. Did all the usual; phils, golden city, tea station, pool hall, shogun, etc etc. Yesterday I went to the del mar fair with yani, chris, sing, nancy, eugene, and kent. It was loaaads of fun but also loaads of money. haha It did help me get my mind off all the shit i have to take care of in the following month.

Today I go back to Irvine to work.... =( I wish I could just stay in San Diego and work at Shogun and be carefree as I usually am. Don't want to go back to Irvine and start a new job.

Old enough to know but young enough not to care

I know the above saying sounds rather shameless and overly ignorant but it really pains me on how true it is. I'm turning 20 in about 2 more days...and its astonishing to think how some things just never seem to change. I know we all learn new lessons on a day to day basis but our personalities and our ways of thinking really prevent so many of us from actually growing up. I feel at this age we all know from right and wrong...and what actions we should take.

but....

knowing is only the easy part...the difficult part is learning how to obey that little voice we hear inside our head. Its taken me 20 years to finally know most right and wrong; what actions to take during certain situations, but i wonder how many more years itll take for me to be able to mature enough so I can be able to follow through with what I know to be right.

I leave Japan tomorrow. Kent is picking me up at the airport. My mom's birthday is the next day. The day after that is my birthday and am planning to celebrate it in SD :] As much as I love my grandpa and Japan, I am freaking STOKED to be going back home <3