Old enough to know but young enough not to care

I know the above saying sounds rather shameless and overly ignorant but it really pains me on how true it is. I'm turning 20 in about 2 more days...and its astonishing to think how some things just never seem to change. I know we all learn new lessons on a day to day basis but our personalities and our ways of thinking really prevent so many of us from actually growing up. I feel at this age we all know from right and wrong...and what actions we should take.

but....

knowing is only the easy part...the difficult part is learning how to obey that little voice we hear inside our head. Its taken me 20 years to finally know most right and wrong; what actions to take during certain situations, but i wonder how many more years itll take for me to be able to mature enough so I can be able to follow through with what I know to be right.

I leave Japan tomorrow. Kent is picking me up at the airport. My mom's birthday is the next day. The day after that is my birthday and am planning to celebrate it in SD :] As much as I love my grandpa and Japan, I am freaking STOKED to be going back home <3

Nature and all its bliss

Today was my last day in Hamamatsu with my Grandpa. Tomorrow I'm leaving for Maki's and staying there for the rest of my trip. I went to a flower garden today with my grandpa. It was absoluuuutely beautiful. Covered with trees and nothing but flowers and nature. All you can hear is the sound of water flowing and birds chirping. Its a shame that you would have to go on a journey to find a place as peaceful in San Diego or even all of So Cal. Sometimes I think of myself as a city girl, but I think in the end I would rather leave somewhere with more tranquility.

This stay with my grandpa was really refreshing and a big change compared to my drama filled fast paced life back home. From school, work, community service, and socializing its good to just sit back and do nothing for a change. After so much relaxing, the thought of having to go back to the US and go back to work, find a new apartment, and move sounds a wee bit stressful. Not to mention, I have relationship issues I still need to clear out.

I can't wait to be back in my own hometown but at the same time i'm really going to long for the quiet and relaxation of being here.

Ode to Joy

So today i was having one of those days. where you feel the world has turned on you and you would rather just crawl inside your bed for the rest of the day...maybe even the entire week. What I failed to realize was that all the 'issues' I was having were not problems at all....they were just all misinterperated blessings. A nagging mom, a pestering grandpa, time of the month, and painful jaw. It was really getting on my nerves but after calming down and getting my mind off of it for several hours I realized I wasn't seeing the issues for what they really were; A worried mother, an anxious grandpa, a healthy body, and recovery of a wisdom tooth extraction. All of which I should be completely grateful for... aside from the extraction. (Although I guess I should be thankful).

Most of the time when I'm having those days. All I have to do is pause and rethink my life and I soon realize I am truly lucky....... but its so hard to find the pause button in such a fast passed life we all live in these days. So for the rest of my time in Japan I'm going to try to cherish the time I have here and the time I have left with my grandpa. I didn't realize till today that I hadn't been in Japan for 3 years. No wonder he is bouncing up and down the walls trying to keep me happy.

I wish I had realized this all sooner =( I feel bad for not having spent more time with him. We are going out to lunch tomorrow though and then after my dentist appointment I promised to cook him dinner. This time I'm not going to fuck it up!!! ♥

Stuffed nose and brain

My japan trips are always way too long for my liking. This trip has been especially worse than usual. Not that I dont like being in Japan...but it gets rather boring spending coutnless number of days just chilling with relatives. Especially this year when the only one I'm spending time with is my grandpa.

What makes it even worse is that I've caught myself yet another cold and I just recently got one of my wisdom teeth removed. My laptop and my neighbor's stolen internet are my only two saviors. Thankfully, next week i'll finally be able to go to Maki's and spend the rest of my trip there. I just hope this damn annoying sore throat will be gone by the time i leave.

ahhhhh im too drugged up on painkillers to write about much else.

Time flies fasstt

i really really really need to stop staying up late for no reason at all. Ive opened up livejournal multiple times this week to write out stuff but in the end everything just kinda gets jumbled so i end up closing it all out. my head is just all tangled up these days. not in the "omg i have so much drama in my life" kind of way...but in a i dont really no whats going through my head. hahhaha

time is just on a completely different level right now... its already been almost 2 years since nusha facebooked me when we found out we were going to be rooming together in the dorms almost

a year since i moved into 5673 laguna retardd with my dysfunctional but most of the time loveable roommates

9 months since i started working at shogun

7 months since i got olive

a whole semester since rushing for APO

and alreadyyyy my sophomore year is ending... like wtf?

where did the time go. i feel like ive only lived in 5673 for like 3 months...and already im looking for a new apartment to live in and my housemates and i are telling each other how we're all going to miss each other. in less than 2 weeks ill be taking finals and a month from now i'll already be in japan. i feel like SOOO much has and is happening in such a short amount of time. summer is really coming in at a good time. except i wish i was just going to be in sd the entire time and i wish this apartment hunting mess was over with already.

Love Life

i ♥ my twin =)

i cant wait till next week is over =) all my projects and exams will be done....and then i can be at peace at least until finals ishh. this weekend is alll dedicated to studying, APO events, studying, work, and studying. then i can start sleeping in again!!! i havent gotten 8 hours of sleep in a very long time...its making me grumpy. GRAWR. i know when i'm busy i get pretty grouchy and moody but honestly i cant tell you how much i love my life. despite the bad luck i've been having lately... (ALVIN OR!!) its always evened out by the number of amazing people in my life who are always looking out for me. im very very spoiled. i guess i forget how good i have it sometimes.

love love love you all!

APO and smiles

i've finally gotten myself out of my rut. yes, it took me a veryy long time. i can finally genuinely smile and be happy to go out with my friends. I joined a national service fraternity called APO and have met so many great people in the past few months. I've been keeping myself busy with community service, work, school, and friends. its great =) When i look at recent pictures of myself i can notice myself looking happier. I really do have a very spoiled life. I'm loved and supported by almost everyone. Parents, brother, coworkers, friends, housemates, and so on.... I hope one day i'll be worthy of all the love and support i recieve from everyone in my life.

I watched Curious Case of Benjamin Button with my mom yesterday. It was so romantic. It really made me really want to find the perfect significant other. i've decided im going to stop settling for boys who are 'good enough' are really take my time to find someone who will take my breath away. hopefully i will find him sooner than later <3